I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
