I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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