Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize