I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
