she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
