JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
