Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
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We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
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Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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