I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
