i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm passing your future prison.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
