do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
