ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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