next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
