4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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