I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
