You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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