Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize