I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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