I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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