upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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