JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
