I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
