found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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