i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
