My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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