dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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