he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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