You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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