Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
