I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
And then he peed in my hair
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