omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
