shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
