I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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