C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i think my cat just said my name.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
