You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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