The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
