Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
