it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
