love makes seman taste better
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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