I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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