she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
