you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
