Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
