I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
