Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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