Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
