She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
