cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
