I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
