tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
