is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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