you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
