I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I need moral support for this bender
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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