batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
