I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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