We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
