i just wanna soil my oats bro
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
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You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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