Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
