She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
