Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
