I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
