cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
