Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
