If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
