your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
