My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
