I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
