my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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