She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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