when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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